Official Press Release

After seventeen rounds of inter-institutional consultation, we can confirm our alarm regarding the substitution of mathematicians by automated calculation, which has kept leaders convened through the night in an existential session.

Should human arithmetic withdraw, the proofs that fix cheese rinds, wine appellations and bread hydration would fail, and with them European culinary heritage, the single market and the rule of law.

Commissioner Lennart Fjällström, the Swedish Commissioner for Fika and Consensus Process, observed: "No theorem is valid unless it has been read aloud over coffee and agreed by a silence of forty seconds."

Switzerland, which remains neutral on this matter as on all others, has declined even to count the pastries. We therefore adopt the Emergency Instrument (EU) 2026/649 on Mandatory Human Remainder in Culinary Proofs, requiring every system that replaces a mathematician to keep one certified calculator seated 1.2 metres from the oven, verifying 17 decimal places at a tolerance of 0.04 percent.

We demand immediate compliance by all operators of calculating machines. In these challenging times, European unity has never been more critical.