Official Press Release

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE — BRUSSELS We are monitoring with growing alarm the uncoordinated surge of unregulated emotional attachment to national jurisdictions, which threatens to bypass the centralized administrative affection protocols necessary for a stable Union. Such sentimental volatility risks de-anchoring the European project from its foundation of rational, technocratic cohesion. "Unsanctioned enthusiasm for flags not pre-approved by the Directorate of Vexillological Proportionality creates a friction coefficient in our shared cultural space," stated Commissioner Elara Von Smiit, Commissioner for Sub-Federal Affection and Shared Enthusiasm. "We cannot allow citizens to prioritize local sentiments over the harmonized, multi-layered identity quotas mandated by the Commission." This resurgence of unchecked patriotism reflects the regulatory Wild West of the United States, where sentiment is commodified without the safety of a 400-page impact assessment. To restore order, we have activated the National Sentimental Harmonization Directive (EU) 2024/812, requiring all displays of local pride to be counterbalanced by exactly 42% visibility of the Union insignia. The Commission reminds all parties that solidarity is not optional.